Hating Him
by Sellene
Summary: POV of a woman (read to find out who it is) exploring her thoughts of life, love, betrayel, and hate. Taken place after the many deaths of innocent people. Please r/r


I hate him

I hate him 

_I hate him_

_there's this_

_burning ball of hate_

_inside of me_

_hate for him_

_for what he did_

_to innocent people_

_how could he?_

_kill them_

_like a ruthless murderer_

_he was always reckless_

_to some point_

_but never cruel or callous_

_I guess I didn't know him well enough_

_I guess he kept it hidden well_

_I could guess all my life_

_but I don't want to_

_I want the truth_

_I want real answers_

_not guesses_

_or made-up explanations_

_People say I still love him_

_but I don't_

_I could never love someone_

_so callous_

_so unkind_

_so brutal_

_so malicious_

_I never speak of him_

_anymore_

_I exit all conversations_

_I've entered having to do_

_with him_

_People say_

_I'm still hurting_

_They say_

_I'll die of a broken heart_

_but not me_

_oh, no_

_not me_

_I'll never die of a broken heart_

_Never_

_Others_

_who have loved_

_really loved_

_can die of a broken heart_

_but I will not_

_for I have not loved_

_not really_

_not truly_

_I've always said_

_love doesn't exist_

_and I guess it doesn't_

_not for me_

_or_

_maybe_

_there's someone_

_out there_

_someone who_

_I haven't yet met_

_someone_

_who's supposed to be_

_my true love_

_but I know_

_deep down inside_

_who it is_

_who my true love is_

_though I may try to hide it_

_I know_

_who my true love is_

_it's him_

_though I hate to admit it_

_it's him_

_the man I've tried to forget_

_the man I've come to hate_

_within my mind_

_not my heart_

_my mind covers my heart's weakness_

_not well enough, I guess_

_under my façade_

_I really love him_

_despite all the evil he's done_

_I hate myself for it_

_how can I love someone who betrayed his friends?_

_I shouldn't love him_

_it's not right_

_for me to love him_

_it's not right_

_for me to love_

_someone who hurt my friends_

_and eventually_

_in his own way_

_killed them_

_People say love breaks your heart_

_and that's true_

_in my case_

_my love_

_breaks my heart_

_because_

_it tears me apart_

_knowing_

_I love_

_somebody_

_who_

_pretended to be_

_something he wasn't_

_I'm still in love with him_

_and there's nothing I can do about it_

_nothing can change the way I feel for him_

_and I hate that_

_I hate not being able to protect myself_

_from this weakness_

_from my vulnerability_

_I used to never believe_

_in love_

_used to say it didn't exist_

I was one of those hard core non-believers 

_how could anything be so wonderful_

_if not everyone was lucky enough to experience it?_

_I didn't understand love_

_I didn't want to_

_and now I only hate_

_unforgivably_

_hate everything that reminds me of him_

_I guess that would include myself_

_I shouldn't hate_

_but I can't risk my exterior_

_my built up wall_

_being torn down_

_because of love_

_so I hate_

_sometimes I wish things_

_could be the way_

_they used to be_

_the way they were_

_when we were younger_

_I wish we could have stayed_

_frozen in the past_

_forever_

_but_

_forever's always seemed too long_

_I guess I'm just scared_

_scared of the future_

_confused of the past_

_stuck in the present_

_I don't know where I'm going_

_I don't know what's going to happen_

_and that frightens me_

_that truly frightens me_

_wishes, dreams, and hopes_

_don't always come true_

_if there's one thing I've learned from life_

_I've learned that_

_but that never should never stop_

_a dream from emerging_

_a true heart dream_

_not a practical one_

_made up by your mind_

_but a real dream_

_a dream from the heart_

_a wish from the heart_

_I still wish_

_upon_

_that same old star_

_wish that I could say_

_there's someone else_

_who makes my heart _

_beat double time_

_like he did_

_but there isn't_

_and there probably will never be_

_because as much as I hate to admit it_

_I still love him_

_and always will_

_but it's true_

_I never will love again_

_not after him_

_because as much as I hate to admit_

I do love him 

_Love_

a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection toward one person

towards your person

towards your true love

if you ever find them

_Love_

_has made me turn into something I hate_

_a weakling_

_someone who lets something in life_

_push them around_

_a feeling_

_push them around_

_a feeling_

_revolve around decisions_

_love takes you hostage inside yourself_

_it makes you so defenseless_

_all of your exterior_

_all of your barrier_

_you've put up for years_

_is removed_

_and you can be hurt_

_you can be betrayed_

_because of love_

_because of opening yourself up_

_to another person_

_love hurts_

_so much sometimes that_

_I wish I could forget_

_forget the memories_

_forget him_

_and be_

_the person I was_

_before he loved me_

_before I was induced to all this hurt_

_all this pain_

_and all this love_

_but my exterior is back_

_and my guard is up_

_and I hate him_

_in my mind_

_not my heart_

_because_

_in my heart_

_I hate not hating him_


End file.
